Quite a few escorts will not take bookings via text or even reply to texts at all. Adultwork even puts the words “calls from withheld numbers and SMS messages will be ignored” into every profile. Well, that’s a bit presumptuous of Adultwork: while I do ignore withheld numbers, the truth is I am perfectly happy to take bookings via text. I have found that I can screen almost as well via text as I can over the phone. It’s better over the phone because you can get a sense of the personality from the warmth of someone’s voice, but a good text can be almost as useful.

So, what is a good text, then?

Very simple: a good text contains my name, your name, standard English, punctuation, and a direct question about a specific time. For example:

Hello, Kim. Are you available today for an hour’s incall at 2pm? Bill.

It’s that easy! I’m already keen to meet Bill! Now, I may still have a couple of questions for Bill,just to clarify things, but I feel pretty confident that Bill and I are going to get along great.

What if a text has most of the above elements, but not all? For example:

“Hi. Are you available today? Bill”

OK, Bill is still being polite and using standard English with punctuation. He’s even signing his name. However, he is not being specific about what he wants. Also, he isn’t addressing me by name – not necessarily a problem but Bill may have sent out a dozen texts to a dozen different girls, so that when I answer he may reply with, “Which one are you?” Bill might not be sure who he’s booking and then doesn’t remember all the details about my services and rates. Hmmm… Yes, I am available today (or else my phone would be turned off) but now I have to play text ping-pong to find out what time he wants, etc. I am likely to reply to this with:

“Hello, yes. I am available from 12pm until 9pm. What time are you looking for and for how long?”

Now, Bill either replies with a specific time or he doesn’t. If he follows up with:

“Whereabouts are you located?”

I’m going to start to get a bit frustrated. For one thing, all of my advertising is fairly clear on where I am located – because I want to make it easy for Bill! So at this point I will say:

“I’m at **postcode** – please call me if you would like to make a booking.”

I’m done texting Bill. I’m still not convinced that Bill, although capable of using standard English with punctuation, won’t be annoying in person so I’d like to hear his voice before going any further. If Bill is serious about a booking, he will call me.

If I think someone sounds potentially nice but I’m not sure, then I will simply ask them to call me.

Here are some examples – a real ones – of the sort of texts I just ignore:

“u workin?”

“whats ur address?”

“hey babe you available today?”

I have to wonder, does anybody accept bookings from these guys? Who would just give their address to someone they know absolutely nothing about? I suspect the only times those texts work is when someone other than the escort (ie a pimp) is handling her phones for her!

I’m pretty sure that anybody who is bothering to read this would not send texts like that. But you may well benefit from the advice to use: the escort’s name, your own name, punctuation, and direct questions as I’m sure many other escorts are the same as me when it comes to screening.

So, if you want to book an independent escort in a hurry, perhaps from the privacy of your office, with no need for indiscreet phone conversations, keep these tips in mind!

The above is a photo of me just overcome with joy at having received a polite, to-the-point text from Bill.